


oh GOD

by loona_biased



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal High School, Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Choi Yerim | Choerry and Im Yeojin are Best Friends, Coming Out, Coming of Age, F/F, Feelings Realization, Friendship, Gen, Im Yeojin & Jo Haseul are Siblings, LGBTQ Themes, LOONAVERSE universe adjacent, Self-Discovery, Unrequited Crush, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings, Well there's no covid but, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 01:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29411121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loona_biased/pseuds/loona_biased
Summary: So if it ever came to realising she had feelings for girls, Yeojin knew (well, 30% knew and 70% hoped) that she would be in good hands.Sadly her mind had skipped the part of it where she had to actually have feelings for girls first. Big mistake.Or: Yeojin finds herself a member of the LGBT+ community and it's fine! It's fine! It's fine... except for this crush-
Relationships: Choi Yerim | Choerry & Im Yeojin, Ha Sooyoung | Yves & Im Yeojin, Im Yeojin & Jo Haseul, Im Yeojin & Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Im Yeojin & Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Im Yeojin & Park Chaewon | Go Won, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	oh GOD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentine's Day!
> 
> I'm writing this because I feel like we need more stuff about unrequited crushes (I promise, I'm only self-inserting, like, 30-53%). Plus, if it's a celebration of love, then I get to choose which love, which is platonic!
> 
> So basically, this is a love letter to my friends (that I hope they never find because then they'd know I'm both sappy and have too much time on my hands)and gay friendships/friendship groups out there.
> 
> It's safe to say that the past year and so have been tough on our friendships, but there are definitely some worth hanging onto.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please know that my grasp on conversations was only 17% worsened by lockdown and go with it if any of the wording/conversations here feel unnatural.
> 
> Also the title is from oh GOD by Orla Gartland.

Crushes on boys were something that Yeojin was used to. She had amassed a grand collection of three by now:

1) A good-looking model - knowing that he was ten years older than her, she made the decision to wean herself off that overa few months.

2) One of her classmates - while they had been close once, they had now transitioned to friendly acquaintances who only really contacted each other about either what the English homework was or what the Mandarin homework was.

3) A handsome actor in a K-Drama - even if he was only a year older and mentioned in an interview that he liked short girls (Theoretically? A jackpot!), one day she eventually realised that she could make eye contact without wanting to screech. To this day, she had no idea what killed it.

So yeah. Three whole crushes.

...Yeojin liked to imagine it was the quality rather than the quantity that counted, strictly ignoring the way Choerry argued that she had neither through raucous laughter.

But yeah. Crushes on boys? Yeojin was owning it!

\----

Crushes on girls? That was... a work in progress.

Thankfully, it wasn't like the concept of women-loving women was foreign to her. Her older sister Haseul had a girlfriend, a feat incomprehensible to Yeojin - who had seen Haseul go through her short blonde hair phase - until she watched Lip gazing down at her with a smitten expression as she rested on her shoulder; obviously they were as ridiculous as each other and thus perfect together. Plus her own best friend Choerry was pretty open about being sapphic, having donned a rainbow patch, a violet patch and a pink lambda badge on her denim jacket - although she did have to explain that last one when Yeojin didn't get it.

("No, Yeojin"- Choerry tapped it rapidly -"see, I'm into girls and I'm a physics and maths genius! It just works!"

Yeojin shook her head. "I thought gay people... didn't do maths."

Choerry shrugged breezily. "Maths is subjective."

"Choerry, what the f-")

So yeah. She had what you could consider a community.

So if it ever came to realising she had feelings for girls, Yeojin knew (well, 30% knew and 70% hoped) that she would be in good hands.

Sadly her mind had skipped the part of it where she had to actually have feelings for girls first. Big mistake.

\----

She still wasn't even really sure how it happened, to be honest.

All she knew heading into school that fateful Tuesday was that she wanted to check out the talk on Asian Characters In The Media. Choerry had sadly bailed on her ("Yeojin, I was sick that day! My throat hurt like hell!" "Choerry, it's about the principle!") but she wanted to go, alone or not.

And thus she walked in... and promptly realised that there was no one she recognised in her year and that there were mostly older girls there. She felt strangely like bursting into tears at the sight.

Nevertheless, she walked in, grateful at least for the fact that the talk hadn't started yet, so most people were invested in chatting with whoever they came. Except one blonde girl (Yeojin envied her guts: it was obviously bleached), pouting at her green phone, sitting alone in a row.

Cautiously, Yeojin sat two seats away from her, wanting to be close enough to not be an obvious outcast without putting any pressure on the girl to talk to a random stranger.

The girl had flicked her head up to see who had sat next to her, too briefly for Yeojin to really see her, yet Yeojin felt... odd.

But like, a different odd than the time she sat next to a pickpocket on the bus and had to go to the police station instead of school. That was just annoying.

She brushed it off, chasing it up to just her feeling weird. Maybe her period was coming soon? Eh.

The talk itself was actually pretty good for their school - the woman discussed how certain stereotypeshad manifested and the differences between how some Asian countries viewed tropes compared to Western countries. And then she said:

"Now, what I want you all to do is discuss how you think you or other people have been affected by these! Talk to the person next to you."

Now while Yeojin loved to discuss anything and everything to do with narratives and diversity, she also preferred doing that with people she knew, who were less likely to be offput by her... abrasive mannerisms.

This being said, she turned to the girl, was speechless for 3 sentences, then started the first conversation they would ever exchange:

"So, you Asian?"

The girl turned to her right to look at Yeojin and-

...oh.

Oh god.

The girl was... seriously pretty.

Like, if someone turned 'as cute as a button' into a person, they'd get this girl. Okay, well she dressed in a gothic style - she wore a floaty white shirt with black buttons and ribbons with some black slacks - but even so, she still seemed to give off a cute vibe.

Her hair framed her face to reveal two widened eyes and an open mouth and oh dear god, Yeojin just realised what she had said and was about to apologise when-

"I mean,"- the girl scooched back a bit in her seat to look down at herself, then patted her face -"yeah, last I checked," she giggled.

Yeojin laughed as well, trying to not sound forced. "Same here. I'm Yeojin."

The girl smiled and wow, she looked angelic. "I'm Go Won. So anyway,"- she put an elbow on the table in front of them to rest her head on her hand, which made Yeojin strangely like she was waking up -"what did you think?"

"I- well, I think the talk was pretty good. Like, we really need more films like The Half Of It, where it explores the struggle of fitting into places in more way than one." Yeojin felt like she need to flip her hair. That wasn't normal.

"Oh my god, yes! That film was so good!" Go Won grinned, and while Choerry's constant grinning was confusing (even exhausting sometimes) to Yeojin, she didn't want Go Won to ever stop.

"I mean, do you know any other films like that?"

"Well obviously there's Saving Face and..." Go Won pulled a blank face. "I guess that's it. There really should be more."

Yeojin agreed. She would gladly make 17 new films on a modest budget of whatever was in her froggy bank just for Go Won.

"Alright, we're running out of time today, but I'm glad that so many of you have come! Enjoy the rest of your day, and off you go, I suppose!" The speaker announced.

Students threw their thank-yous to her as they walked out, Yeojin and Go Won walking together.

"What lesson do you have now?" Yeojin asked, hoping that they could walk together just a bit longer (read: forever).

"Uh, English? 2nd floor."

Score! "Oh, I have Religious Studies on the same Floor!" Go Won nodded with a smile, and Yeojin couldn't help but feel like she was growing tired of her. Drat! "Wait, actually, I think I left a book in my locker. I should go get that."

"Oh, bye then," Go Won waved, and turned around after smiling one last time at Yeojin.

Now, Yeojin did actually go to her locker (well, lockers - given the size, Yeojin and Choerry agreed to co-own a locker for convenience). However, she did not open it. Instead she looked around to make sure she was alone... then covered her mouth with her hands and let out a silent scream.

What the fuck was going on?

Well... she had a feeling of what happened. A desperate need to be noticed emerging, her heart feeling more dense than usual, her brain rushing around her head...

She checked her phone and marked the date in her head: 12:39, January 12th. Yeojin's sapphic awakening.

Then the bell rang for 12:40 and she rushed to Religious Studies, pushing down her awakening for after school - she'd probably have an existential crisis in the lesson anyway, and she preferred to spread her worries out.

\----

Yeojin had figured that she better just bite the bullet and tell someone, and who better than her top confident of many years? So two days later, there she and Choerry were in the living room, as was custom on sleepovers (Choerry lived closer to school anyway, so why not have a school night sleepover?), when she thought 'fuck it' and blurted out, "Guess who I have a crush on!"

Choerry looked at her, then back at the screen, where she was constructing their Minecraft house. "Yeojin, I'm afraid I don't really know any men."

"Yeah, but..."

'Okay, Yeojin, now or never.'

"You do know girls, right?"

"Well, yeah but-" Choerry's jaw dropped, and she looked at Yeojin with a huge grin, like Oscar's grin on the cover of her old Shark Tale DVD. Only Choerry was neither a mistake of nature nor an insult to God. "YEO? YOU LIKE GIRLS?!"

And gosh darn it, Choerry was her best friend and, exhausted as her cheekbones would be, Yeojin couldn't help grinning along. "Yeah! I got a girl crush!"

Choerry let out a shriek, pressing pause on the game and flapping her hands around. "Wow! Oh my god! When- Where?!"

Yeojin put her controller down too and folded her hands on her lap, bashfulness fluttering around like a million butterflies. "I talked to a girl at the lecture today. We had a discussion. So"- she surveyed her friend -"I suppose you CAN be forgiven for abandoning me."

Choerry held a hand over her heart in a mock-salute. "I walked so you could run, bestie."

Yeojin mirrored her pose. "So true, bestie."

"Anyway, who was it? Who was it?"

"Well, she's in the year above, so-"

"OHHHH, you're into hags!"

"Nooo!" Yeojin slapped her friend's arm weakly. "I'm not into hags!"

Choerry sighed loudly. "Well, I guess we all have our hag phases." She side-eyed her friend. "Have you had a crush on Yves yet?"

"I- no! Not everyone has a crush on Yves!" Just most people, apparently. Haseul had actually dated her before Kim Lip. One time, Yeojin had seen Yves eat an apple she had dropped on the cafteria floor and honestly, she just couldn't be impressed with the girl.

(Apparently when Haseul had told Kim Lip, she just nodded understandingly and said that she was also into Yves too. Yeojin would never get it.)

Choerry gazed into the distance. "Maybe another time..."

"Choerry, this girl is only my first crush." She looked down at her cuticles snootily. "But I suppose not everyone moves around as quickly as you do."

Choerry pouted. "Just. Say!"

Yeojin nodded. "Okay. Okay." She took a deep breath. "...do you know someone called Go Won?"

...

...

A few beats passed.

"Go Won? From the year above?"

"...yeah?"

...

Choerry stared at her for a few moments, unblinking. It was actually a bit disturbing. Then:

"YEOJIN!"

Yeojin jumped a bit at her whiny tone. "Jesus, what?!"

"I used to have a crush on her!"

"WHAT? WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?" Choerry had never kept a crush from her! Or so Yeojin had thought! Was Choerry making a cruel joke Was? Was this some evil Choerry clone? Was Choerry's lie about having an evil twin actually real?

Choerry stammered. "It was, like - it didn't seem important! It wasn't even that strong for me! It wouldn't have gone-"

"CHOERRY!" Having pushed her bowl of noodles away, Yeojin prepared to lay in anguish on the table headfirst; however, there was a circle of steam under where the bowl was, so she settled for crossing her arms on it. "Choerry!"

"What?"

"I can't have a crush on a girl you used to have a crush on! That's, like, against the laws of feminism!

"You're so close to the actual quote! I-" Choerry cut herself off. "Yeojin, it's really okay! I thought she was cute, that's all! It isn't that deep!"

Yeojin lifted her head up to face her best friend. "Hmph?"

Choerry gently patted the space in between her two head buns. "Really."

"Hmm." 

"It's cool." Choerry had noted that Yeojin seemed suddenly seeped of energy. "It's really okay, you know?" Choerry didn't even seem sure in what 'it' was. "It was just a crush."

Yeojin... didn't really hear Choerry. Was it really a crush? Sure, she felt butterflies in her heart and was going crazy imagining bumping into Go Won again but... it felt slightly different to her boy crushes. Was it real?

Yeojin looked at her friend for a moment and saw nothing but acceptance and concern in her eyes, and she gathered herself in her friend's arms, thankful for befriending her all those years ago. For all Choerry could be... erratic, she did know when to be mellow. "This is... weird."

"Two gay girls can hug without it being gay, bro."

"No, not-" Yeojin disentangled herself. "Well, you did just put me off with that, but I mean..." she waved her hands in silence, not really gesturing anything. "Is that it?"

Choerry's eyebrows furrowed. "Is what what?"

"Like-" Yeojin raced through her mind for the words. "I have a crush on a girl and... that's it? I'm... whatever? What even am I?"

Choerry looked at her. "Well, that's kind of up to you, because you know yourself, but based on your past crushes, I guess you're bi?"

Bi. Yeojin rolled the word around in her head like a hard-boiled candy, but she felt... nothing.

No, not nothing.

Thinking it made her feel empty.

"Maybe..." she said weakly. "I don't know."

Choerry gazed at her friend, and Yeojin realised enviously that Choerry hadn't had such qualms; when she found the word sapphic, it went to her as naturally as her name, practically another limb on her body. She had came out to Yeojin and Haseul the very next day, and by the next year, she was a solid member of their school's LGBT society. Before Haseul had left their school, she had knighted Choerry as her protégé.

Yeojin though... she had just figured that wasn't for her. She didn't think she'd ever like girls, so it was never worth thinking about. Now... it just felt like never learning to sail only to wake up on a raft in the middle of the Pacific.

"Just consider it, okay?" Choerry patted her back. "No need to rush."

Yeojin nodded, ignoring how much she wanted to rush, to find something that she never realised she'd lost or even had in the first place. "I'm gonna brush my teeth."

"Okay."

\----

"Yeojin."

"Mm?"

"...are you awake?"

"Yeah."

"I just want you to know... I love you. And it's all probably really weird right now, but... you're okay now, and you'll be okay again, right?"

...

Choerry heard a sniffle.

"Yeo-"

Choerry felt a nudge, almost jumping before she just barely caught the trembling outline of Yeojin in the dark.

She silently opened the covers for Yeojin to crawl under, and so she did. This was something of a habit whenever one of them had nightmares - but Yeojin wasn't freaking out about frogs chasing her or natural disasters, she was freaking out about who she was, and there wasn't much Choerry could do about it.

All she could do was wrap Yeojin in her arms once again.

"Thank you, Choerry," Yeojin mumbled hoarsely.

Choerry just squeezed her tighter and waited for her breathing to slow down, then steady, then quieten, before resting her own eyes.

Talking could wait until the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've just realised that now I've written two fanfics about people crushing on Go Won. Wow, what a lady killer.
> 
> Unlike my other fic (which I really ought to complete), I plan on updating this within a month. However, I do have tests in a few weeks, which I will be prioritising, so no promises.
> 
> As always, please let me know what you think or if I've made any grammar mistakes at my tumblr: @loonat-son-ic
> 
> Stay safe and have a nice day!


End file.
